Letters Read
by CIAChick
Summary: Angst warning. Complete
1. Part One

**Letters Read**

_But all I have is your letter read  
And I cannot get it out of my head  
And I'm afraid, and I can't breathe,  
And I'm in love with you  
But you are not with me  
And I have put so much into a life  
I made too much about you now to lie_

Rachael Yamagata, "Letter Read"

There were few things she didn't need a calendar to remember: Rory's birthday, her own, her parents' anniversary, and the day Luke had kissed her on the porch of the Dragonfly.

She supposed she could add the day he left Stars Hollow to the list as well.

When Rory had presented her with tickets to her graduation from Yale, Lorelai's throat constricted and her hands began to shake on seeing that date—May 20th—embossed in gold.

"I thought maybe you had forgotten," Rory had soothed. Lorelai shook her head, knowing her daughter meant well, but realizing it wouldn't matter how long ago, it still hurt as much as it had the day he left.

In two years so much could have happened. Maybe they would have been living together or even had a child. But no, Luke had been himself, withdrawn; Lorelai had been herself and made mistakes. Things had escalated; Luke had walked out her door in frustration and hadn't bothered to come back.

She wished she could say she hadn't had any contact with him, but whenever he seemed to be in an especially forgiving mood he would send her a note or a card, once or twice an email. She'd received the first of these the July after he left, when things were still fresh.

It had been an unusually hot summer in Connecticut and the paper felt limp in her hand as she sank down on the porch stairs to read it.

"Lorelai," he had scrawled, looping the L loosely like he had seen her do so many times.

_Obviously I can't begin to apologize for what I did, so I won't. The diner won't close as of yet. Caesar will run it until we're out of supplies and even then, I've already signed a contract for the next two years. No one will buy me out and if Taylor tries, you have my permission to throttle him._

_The middle of nowhere isn't as bad as I thought. Lots of time and quiet for me to think._

_Take things one day at a time, Lorelai; You are a strong person and you'll be okay._

_My love,_

_Luke_

That had been it. No explanation, no return address, no promises of return or that one day they could try again. It had taken Lorelai several tries to make it all the way through without tears clouding her vision. The next had come in September, as Rory returned to Yale, then at Christmas and a note on her birthday. A similar pattern followed the next year.

Lorelai had started many a letter to him as well. She'd plead for him to return, tell him she was sorry, she needed him, wanted him, loved him even. Then there were the ones with the accusatory tone, but it didn't matter, they never got sent. Nowhere to send them to. They were creased and crumpled in a box under her bed.

Once he had said something about a town in Maine. The only clue.

She wasn't sure she had even looked at another man since then. She couldn't bring herself to date but she kept busy with work, with her friends, Rory and whenever the house felt suddenly empty or she felt especially alone, she'd search out the Luke box. She pulled out the flannel shirt: the fabric soft and worn as she slipped it on, letting a part of him still be with her. He hadn't completely left, that's why she was so convinced he would return.

The sun was bright and Lorelai squinted as she made her way through the lush quads and looming bricks of academia. She'd spent all morning with Rory before the soon-to-be graduates were ushered off, gowns in hand. Lorelai had watched her daughter leave, deep in discussion with the girl next to her, not glancing back. Lorelai had shaken herself, swallowing the lump in her throat and briskly walking towards the main quad.

The lawn was packed and Lorelai was flushed, slipping off her sweater as she found her seat. She breathed a sigh of relief that her parents weren't here yet and tipped her face back slightly, closing her eyes as the sun warmed her skin. A shadow fell across her face and Lorelai scowled, peeking open an eye.

"Hey." She didn't recognize him at first, in the suit, but the five o'clock shadow and deep voice were easy to place.

Lorelai stared at him, convinced she was dreaming. He had cut his hair, the hair that had curled out from underneath his baseball cap. The curls that her fingers had naturally found when she kissed him. He was tanned and looked as fit as always. She couldn't breathe.

"Lorelai?" He waved a hand in front of her face. She couldn't—was she supposed to be overjoyed, envelope him in a hug, say she had missed him, cry, yell at him for leaving? She didn't know. This wasn't in the Gilmore Guide to dating.

"Hey," she settled, barely saying the words.

"Can I?" He motioned to the seat next to her and Lorelai nodded.

"What are you—I mean, how did—why?" She leaned forward a little, looking back at him, studying his face.

"I don't know." He dropped his gaze. "I'm not sure I can answer any of your questions. I got an invitation. How could I not come?" Luke replied seriously and Lorelai's heart fluttered in her chest. Luke had always loved Rory and had been protective of her.

"How did she find you? I never—I don't have your address. My best guess would be Maine somewhere."

"You'd be right." Luke shrugged. "I don't know either. Maybe she got someone to track down my emails."

"You and Rory—you emailed her?" _All this time_, she thought, still flustered.

"I sent you letters," he reminded her. _And they made me miss you even more._ "But yes, I emailed Rory on her birthday, holidays. She used to email me her news almost monthly. Less so recently, but then I got the invitation."

"I don't know what to say, Luke." Lorelai shook her head and glanced down as he looked at her, remembering how intense his gaze was. "I'm really glad you're here," she whispered and smiled at him.

He squeezed her hand. "Me too."

A thought struck Lorelai. "My parents will be here."

"Okay." No sooner were the words spoken than she saw her parents emerge from the crowd and move towards them. If they were shocked to see Luke, they didn't show it.

"Lorelai, who is this man--" Emily asked, obviously aggravated that Lorelai had brought just any man to her daughter's graduation ceremony. Her mouth fell open when she realized who it was. "Oh. Hello Luke."

"Hello Emily. Richard. How have you been?"

"I'd like to ask you the same." Richard responded rather sharply. "My daughter informed us that you had left town."

"Dad--" Lorelai stepped forward to stop him.

"It's okay, Lorelai. I deserve it." Lorelai silently agreed but she wasn't going to let Luke see that he had achieved any emotional reaction from her. Being stoic was his strong point, however, not hers. "I moved. To Maine. And I helped my sister out over the summer. I hadn't really planned on staying but I did and--" _Liz knew_, Lorelai thought.

"What did you do?" Richard inquired.

"I bought a cabin and you know, fished and camped and I don't know--"

"You fished and camped for two years? In the woods, by yourself?" Emily's questions eerily mirrored the ones in Lorelai's mind.

"It doesn't sound like much, I know. I just had to—I needed to figure out some things."

"Did you?" It surprised Lorelai that her mother was so interested in Luke's disappearing act.

"I don't know," Luke shrugged. "I haven't had a chance to test them out yet." Emily nodded, like she understood. She quickly spotted someone she knew and moved off to talk to them. Richard seemed extremely interested in his program all of a sudden and Lorelai realized it was for her benefit. But she was tired. She didn't want to do this here.

"It's hot," Luke complained, taking off his jacket and loosening his tie. "Do you think they have drinks here?"

"Water maybe," Lorelai shrugged. Luke stood up, brushing his hands on his pants.

"You want some?"

"Yes, please." Luke nodded and disappeared into the crowd. Lorelai watched him go, exhaled, and turned towards her father.

"I'm sorry, Lorelai," he apologized, looking up from the program and removing his glasses.

"I don't think I am, dad." She shot him a soft, apologetic smile and he nodded, understanding.

"You loved him?"

Lorelai tucked her chin to her chest, pretending to think, but not really having to. "Always," she breathed. "Apparently that wasn't enough."

"It will be. Don't doubt yourself, Lorelai." He told her seriously and Emily emerged from the crowd, sitting on the other side of her husband.

"Here you go," Luke's voice to her right surprised her and she took the plastic cup of ice water he held in his hand, already sweating in the heat.

Lorelai sipped her water, still trying to get out everything. She desperately wanted to call Rory or Sookie, somebody that would understand. But isn't it ironic, she thought, how the person who used to understand her—probably still did—was right next to her instead. _Luke_ was right next to her. Her skin prickled as she let the thought settle. After he left, she had wallowed for almost two, three weeks—every night she expected to hear his tread on the stairs, his voice on the line—she guessed she still did. And now that she was sitting so close that if she moved her fingers ten inches she could hold his hand, Lorelai couldn't remember how she got out of bed, went to work, and proceeded with her life.

"Hope it doesn't rain." Luke commented, breaking her thoughts. She murmured something in reply and he turned to look at her.

"What?"

"There are these storms in Maine, just very sudden. The wind rolls in big, dark clouds and it pours, rains in sheets, lightening, thunder, everything. It's nice."

Lorelai is fascinated by this story for some reason, but she knew that wasn't Luke's intention. "That wasn't what you were going to say. What is it?"

"I'm just trying to make sure—maybe I shouldn't have come." Luke exhaled. "You're quiet. And you're never quiet."

"Well how exactly am I supposed to be! You show up here completely unannounced, with no word for two years—letters, yes, I know—but no calls and I'm supposed to be okay with it? Or did you envision me leaping into your arms?" She hissed at him. Luke was slightly surprised by her force and he glanced awkwardly around her to make sure Richard and Emily hadn't heard. Luke fidgeted in his chair and didn't look at her when he talked.

"No, Lorelai. I—I don't know what I thought. I guess this isn't the best time to discuss this."

"It should be starting any minute." Lorelai glanced at her watch.

He handed her a handkerchief. "I have tissues," she said simply. Luke nodded. "But thanks. Just…be prepared for the worst. I know you hate crying."

"I have a sister. It's not unheard of." Luke replied, his words swallowed by the music playing, signaling the start of the ceremony. Lorelai was just glad to have comfortable silence.

The ceremony was long, boring even. The keynote speaker was some dignitary or other and Lorelai could barely make out a word through the accent. She searched the sea of heads for one that looked like Rory, but she gave up after the second row. She flipped through her program, studying the names, finding the silly ones, the unpronounceable ones and the Joe Schmos. She traced her finger down the Gs, surprised at the swell in her chest just seeing Rory's name printed there: _Lorelai Leigh Gilmore, B.A. English_. Doing all these things she felt a pair of eyes on her and she knew it wasn't the man behind her who kept mumbling things to his wife. It was Luke. She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, wanting to pull her curls up off her neck, but she knew her mother would hiss at her to leave it alone. Lorelai couldn't help it. The temperature seemed to have risen ten degrees, most likely because of all the bodies, which had also conveniently blocked any breeze. And they still hadn't started announcing the graduates. Lorelai rolled her eyes and shifted in her seat. Luke's proximity was such, that, even avoiding eye contact she could make out his movements. He loosened his tie, then tightened it back. She knew he must be dying. He hated suits and if she was about to melt in her dress, then she could only imagine how uncomfortable he was. He gave in and unbuttoned his cuffs, carefully rolling back each sleeve. Lorelai watched him peel back the cotton, revealing his tanned forearm. He noticed her watching him but he couldn't catch her gaze before she turned back to the front: the first row was standing up. Finally, she thought. A quick count revealed over 50 A names. She slumped back in her seat and she heard Luke chuckle. She glanced at him, a smirk playing across his face, and couldn't help but smile. She blushed under his gaze and turned back to the stage, fanning herself with her program.

In the masses of people after the ceremony was over, Lorelai rolled her eyes, exasperated and tried to avoid being pushed into Luke. How was she ever going to find—"Rory!" She called, seeing her daughter trying to peek around the family in front of her. "Ahhh! You did it!" Her daughter flew towards her, hugging her tightly. "I'm so proud of you, sweetheart."

"Thanks! And you were doing so well with the not crying thing," Rory kidded. Lorelai shook her head. Rory glanced behind her mother. "Oh my God! Luke! Did you know Luke was here, mom?"

"Yeah, I knew, sweets. We sat together."

Rory's eyes grew wide. "You did?" Lorelai just nodded, biting her lip as she watched Rory hug Luke and give him a kiss.

"Of course I came," Luke was saying. "I got the invitation."

"Will you come back to Stars Hollow with us? We're having a big party tonight." Lorelai hadn't seen Rory this excited since the first time Chris had visited them in Stars Hollow. She found it hard to breathe, watching her daughter with the best father figure Rory had in her life, who had helped her up from the sidewalk when she'd scraped her knee at ten, made her mashed potatoes when she had the chicken pox, had tried to protect her through her relationships with Dean and Jess. He had always been there. For both of them. And it killed Lorelai to think that it stopped there. They hadn't progressed any. It was still she and Rory, taking on the world, no boys allowed. She had always been fine with just Rory. Until Luke came along.

Luke glanced up at Lorelai. "Well, I don't know about that."

"Oh please, Luke. It's silly for you to drive all this way just to sit through this boring ceremony. You don't have to stay long, I promise."

Luke shifted, throwing his glance at Lorelai again. She nodded. Luke was coming back to Stars Hollow. She didn't know how she felt about that.

He stepped aside, letting Rory speak to her grandparents. "Is that okay with you?"

"It's whatever Rory wants, it's her day."

"You did an amazing job, Lorelai."

Lorelai blinked back tears. She knew, but it always overwhelmed her to have someone else confirm it—especially Luke.

They bid goodbye to the grandparents and strolled back through campus, Rory pointing out various landmarks to Luke. Lorelai walked along with her arms wrapped around herself, just observing. This was all too much for her: her daughter graduating and moving on from this place she had fallen in love with, where she had memories that didn't involve her mother, memories that were hers alone. And Luke, the man she had missed every day for two years, letting his would-be step-daughter show off all the places special to her. Lorelai wanted to grab his hand and do that too: take him to Sniffy's Tavern, to the porch of the Dragonfly in May, to the apartment above the diner to watch the Fourth of July fireworks, everywhere.

Somewhere in the back of her mind it registered that Luke had told them he would follow them back to Stars Hollow, but she brushed off his words as she stepped quickly to the Jeep, not wanting him to see the tears slipping down her cheeks. Rory got in, placing her diploma delicately in her lap and glanced up at her mom, her expression quickly melting from pride to shock.

"Oh mom," she whispered, reverent. "I'm so sorry. I should have told you I sent him a--"

"It's fine," Lorelai said hoarsely. "It's just a little much today. You're all grown up and I can't—and then Luke. I've just missed him." She was tired of keeping things hidden and allowed herself a few minutes, Rory trying to comfort her.

"Maybe he'll realize how stupid he was to leave. I know he's missed you, Mom." Rory soothed. "I'm so sorry. I just didn't think he would actually show up. And then I left you to deal with—and Grandma, what did she say?"

"No bloodshed, obviously." Lorelai was finally able to speak without wheezing. "She was okay, actually. She asked him a couple things."

"Where the hell he'd been?"

"Maine. Maine, Rory. It wasn't like he was in Africa or some war torn country. Two states away."

"I know." Rory said meekly.

"You knew? Oh right, cause you sent him emails. And that's another thing. When the hell did he get a computer? That's not a Luke thing to do, that's--"

"Mom? How about I drive so we're not sitting in New Haven when Luke gets to Stars Hollow and thinks we bailed on him."


	2. Part Two: Under Wraps

**A/N: This part takes place before Rory's graduation. It takes place right after Luke left. **

**Part 2: Under Wraps**

It had been a humid week, making it awful for shutting herself up in her room or the library to study and now that her last exam was taken, she finally had time to pack. Beads of sweat inched down Rory's neck and backbone, making her swat at them like flies as she taped up boxes in her empty dorm room. As usual, she was one of the last on campus; Paris had already left for her internship in New York and Logan had some family obligation.

This was the first summer Rory didn't want to return home. Stars Hollow had changed in the last month and it hurt her to see the magical town of her childhood altered, possibly forever. _Dramatic much, Gilmore?_

Things had changed, she couldn't shake that. Her mother, who had always been colorful and fun-loving, had barely spoken the last four weeks. She cursed Luke under her breath as she remembered the card she had received two weeks after he left: _I'm sorry, Rory. _

Sorry wasn't enough. Feeling the ache creep back into her knees, she stood slowly, pulling her hair back into a messy knot as she let her eyes sweep the room. All done. She closed the window and picked up the last two boxes to carry to her car. She struggled out into the hallway, saying a silent goodbye to the deserted dorm.

She'd told her mom she was catching up with Marty over the next few days. The feeling of guilt and nerves bubbled up in the pit of Rory's stomach, but she swallowed and pressed on, pulling into the train station a few minutes later. Squeezing the boxes in her already packed trunk, she threw her khaki messenger bag over her shoulder and headed towards track 8, pulling out her ticket.

"Metro North now boarding," an automated voice repeated as Rory found the first fairly empty car and settled down with a book.

It was 80 degrees and he was wearing a sweatshirt. His presence alone caught her off guard. Yes, she had told him she was coming, but she hadn't expected him to meet her at the station. "Hey," he greeted.

"Hey."

"You doing okay?"

"Yeah. You?"

"Ok. School's out, I guess." Rory adjusted her bag and nodded to his not-quite question.

They walked a block or two to a tiny deli on the corner. "So have you seen him?"

He shook his head. "Talked to him. He sounded horrible."

"Where is he?"

"Why should I tell you?"

"He left my mom, Jess." Her voice broke halfway through the sentence and she took a bite of her sandwich so she wouldn't have to speak.

Jess remained stoic but there was a hint of panic in his eyes. "Maine. He's in Maine with my mom. Bar Harbor, I think." Rory suddenly felt like she was in _Charade_ or _North by Northwest_, secretly meeting with an informant. She needed an over sized pair of sunglasses. He wrote something on a napkin and handed it to her. It was two numbers, one labeled Liz and the other, well. Jess got up, the chair protesting, shrieking across the floor. "Enjoy New York." Rory felt the heat blow in from the street as he slipped outside. She wiped her eyes on her napkin and pulled out her phone.

"Hey mom. I guess you're out. Or not answering the phone. I'm at Marty's. I'll be home on Monday. We can watch movies all week if you want. Love you."

Back to the train. It was raining now in Connecticut, steam billowing along the pavement as Rory jumped puddles to her car. She slipped in the 80s mix her mother had given her and pulled out of town. The next road sign she paid attention to was the one that declared: Welcome to Maine.

It was later than she thought, almost nine, when she pulled into town. It didn't surprise her that the streets were lined with shops and restaurants much like Stars Hollow. She could see Luke here, but it made her ache for the town of her childhood that much more.

"Liz?"

"Yes?"

"Hi, this is Rory."

"Lorelai's girl?"

"Yeah." There was a hushed whispering. Rory interrupted. "I'm in town. Kind of standing downtown. Where are--"

"I'll get someone to come pick you up. Stay put or go across the street to Morgan's."

"Morgan's?" Rory scanned the street, a dark green building on the corner with a painted wooden sign glowed from within.

"It's a pub. But they have good food. Better than here at the house." Rory smiled at that.

"Okay."

Rory's stomach was growling but she waited ten minutes—it took ten minutes to get anywhere in Stars Hollow—and then crossed the street. She had just ordered when she thought she heard someone say her name.

"Rory?" Luke stood just to her left, dressed in his usual uniform of jeans and a flannel (except this one was unbuttoned, showing the gray tee shirt underneath) and the scruff had grown out to a full beard. Her mother would have laughed, called him Mountain Man and kissed him all the same. Rory's hands shook as she stood up to give Luke a hug. Instead of the bear hugs she had gotten used to, Luke pulled away quickly, managing barely any contact.

"You drove all the way up here? Are classes finished?"

Rory nodded, not wanting to remind him that he should have known that. In fact, he probably did remember.

"I guess I don't need to ask why."

"You left us." She murmured. She hadn't meant it to sound like an accusation, but there it was. Luke sat open-mouthed for a second.

"Rory," he finally sighed. She saw it then. How tired he was. She wondered why: did he miss Lorelai or was he just tired…of them? Rory couldn't fathom that. Luke was just as stubborn as her mother. "It was--"

"What happened?" She choked out. She knew, she just wanted to hear his explanation. _Needed_ to hear it.

"We—I don't—your mom—I'm not so young. Almost 40. And I'm set in my ways and your mom--" He glanced down. "Your mom is too."

"She would change for you, Luke." Rory interrupted. "She would."

"I'm not so sure."

"I am! You didn't see her. It's been a month and--"

"Please, Rory, I can't--"

"Why can't you, Luke?" Rory cried, her voice gaining strength, her brow furrowed. The fire in her eyes was so much her mother, Luke realized. "It won't be easy. I know, we're not easy, but I--" She began to lose her momentum. "I wanted you as part of the family." _As a dad_, she thought. _And I wanted her to have you. _

"Rory, I--" Luke choked out. "I wanted that too. You have to believe me. But I—I just need some time."

"I shouldn't have come." Rory stood, leaving money on the table and moving towards the door. Luke sighed and followed her out into the cool evening.

Luke caught her outside. "She doesn't know. Does she?" Rory shook her head, blinking away the tears. "Hey, come here." Rory gave in, taking a step towards him, burying her face in his flannel shirt. "You're welcome to stay," he offered softly.

"No, I should just get back."

"Not tonight," he insisted. "Come on. Liz will kick T.J. out to stay with me. And you can stay at their place."

"Liz doesn't have to kick T.J. out. You have a couch?"

"Yeah."

"Then that's where I'll sleep." Luke nodded.

He watched her as she sat on the couch and fluffed up the pillows, spreading out the blanket out so it pooled around her feet, keeping her toes warm. He pretended to read the newspaper but he couldn't concentrate on the events in Washington or Ghana or even the local sports scores.

"How is she?" He let himself ask, putting down the paper.

Rory didn't act surprised at this request. "She's…not so good. She didn't leave the house for a week." In fact, it had been longer. "I don't know if she's been to the inn." _You caused her so much grief, she's given up on her career dream_. "I had to be there to pick up the pieces. I don't know if I can--" She shook her head, blinking back tears. _I can't fix it by myself. _

She tried. She tried to get out of bed and go to the inn and be busy. She tried three days in a row. Once she got out of bed, she needed a hot shower, where she tried to wash everything away. It took her four tries to do that without breaking down, collapsing in the bottom of the tub, or finding herself crying into her robe, wanting him to tell her how she smelled good, like her citrus body wash. He used to twirl his fingers through the tendrils drying on her neck. It took her a week to get up the energy to pick a matching outfit, eat a Pop-Tart, and drive to the inn without turning around and going back to nap on the couch. And even once she passed through the entryway, it only took an hour for her best friend to find her crying at her desk.

It took her even longer to set foot in the diner. If she had to go to Doose's or anywhere else, she averted her eyes or squeezed them shut as she darted safely from doorway to doorway, not looking, not even glimpsing the sign or the glow from inside.

She could understand why Luke had left. Why that was easier. Every place reminded her of him and she couldn't drive through town without seeing something: the gazebo, the sign for movie night, the church, without thinking of him, that sinking feeling returning.

She'd had no sanctuary. Lorelai had endured the grayness of everything until, slowly, things had started to come back into color. She had noticed the greenness of the grass as the snow melted away. It was almost a miracle that it was still alive after all those months, finally discovering the sun after being kept under wraps. _Kind of like me_, Lorelai thought.

Since she hadn't been attending Friday night dinners at least she didn't have to act fine and happy in front of her parents. Her mother hadn't called, her dad hadn't tried to schedule lunch at the inn; they were at peace. At least, until Emily showed up on the doorstep one Monday afternoon.

"Mom?"

"Don't act so surprised, Lorelai. I'm not dead. You've been acting like it, however." Lorelai didn't respond, she just walked back into the living room and sat down on the couch, pulling her knees to her chest.

"I'm just not—in the best place right now."

"I know." At Lorelai's surprised look, Emily continued. "You do know your daughter picks up on whatever mood you're in. She's been mopey the last three Fridays but she wouldn't say why. What is going on, Lorelai?"

"Did you drive through the square?"

"What on earth does that--"

"Did you drive through the square on the way here?" She demanded.

"Yes."

"You didn't notice anything?"

"Well I thought the diner looked sort of dark but I couldn't--" She froze and her mouth opened slightly.

"Yeah, Luke's gone. You happy?" Lorelai wiped at her eyes.

"No, I'm not. Not if you're upset."

"Somehow I can't believe that," Lorelai shook her head in disgust. "All I ever wanted was for you to realize I was happy. But that wasn't enough for you, was it?"

Emily was quiet for a moment. "What happened, Lorelai? Why did he leave? How could he?"

"Mom, mom," Lorelai held up a hand.

"I'm sorry. I know you probably don't feel like talking about it."

"Not really, no."

"But you can, you know."

"Can I?" Lorelai looked up. "I don't need you judging me, mother."

"I know what it's like, Lorelai. Your father and I had problems not so long ago."

Lorelai studied her mother for a minute and then ducked her head. "Thank you," she murmured.

That had been the unofficial hiatus of Lorelai's absence from Hartford. She didn't attend Friday night dinners every week, but occasionally. Emily knew her daughter had lunch dates with Richard more often, but she tried not to pry. She had her daughter back in her life, which was better than not at all.

_ tbc..._


	3. Part 3

**A/N: Thanks to my lovely beta, LulaBo.**

The town hadn't been the same after he left. And Lorelai wasn't sure how she felt about having him there again. Lorelai had always considered Stars Hollow hers since that is where she and Rory had started out, but she had realized over the years that it was more Luke's than anyone else's. People had never fathomed that he would leave and Lorelai could only imagine their reaction to his return.

"Mom? We're here."

"Oh. Right." Still not aware of her surroundings, Lorelai swung open the door of the Jeep and almost hit Luke. "Ah! God, are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine." Luke chuckled. "You missed anything vital." Lorelai glanced up at the house, where people stood chatting on the porch, a big banner hung from the porch railing: "Congratulations, Rory."

Rory surveyed the scene. "Sookie didn't go all out for this or anything, did she?"

"Just imagine the food." _And the reaction_, Lorelai thought as Luke followed them up the walk.

"Rory!" Lane called excitedly from the steps. "You did it!" She squinted in the rapidly falling dusk to make out who was with Lorelai. "Is that--"

"Hey Lane." At the sound of his voice, Lane launched herself down the stairs towards them.

"Luke, ohmyGod!"

"Take it down a notch," Lorelai advised. "He doesn't need to be bombarded." Luke looked grateful. Lorelai nodded and slipped inside. She needed Sookie.

The kitchen was full of various trays and bowls. Sookie was standing by the stove, surveying something in a pot closely. "Sook?" She called, sidestepping the guests and making it through the entryway relatively quickly.

"Hey babe! How was the ceremony? I bet it was gorgeous and Rory was probably radiant. Where is she?"

Lorelai smiled. "It's not her wedding," she chided lightly.

"Oh, I know," Sookie giggled but caught the look on her best friend's face. "What's wrong, sweets?"

"Well, uh, someone showed up at graduation."

"Chris?" Sookie guessed, frowning.

"Nope."

"Oh geez, Jess?" Sookie gasped, her gaze falling behind Lorelai. "Luke!" Lorelai turned to see him standing in the doorway. Sookie squealed and gave him a hug. "I can't believe it! Is it really you? God, you look great. Doesn't he? You're thin. Not that you weren't before but-"

"Thanks." Luke grinned, blushing. Rory appeared soon after and took him out to be paraded around in front of the other guests, giving Lorelai and Sookie some time alone.

"Are you okay?" Sookie studied her.

"I have to be. I can't let him see me…" She trailed off, giving Sookie a weak smile and a slight shrug.

"I understand. So how do you feel about all this?"

"I don't know. I told him the same thing. How am I supposed to feel? I feel like I should be mad but all I want to do is hug him. It isn't turning out the way I expected. Not that I expected him to show up at Rory's graduation."

"How did he know?"

"Oh, Rory emails him." Lorelai rolled her eyes.

"Oh, right. We're the last to know everything." Sookie shook her head.

Lorelai sighed. "I still love him, Sookie."

"Aw hon, I know. Come here," she gave Lorelai a tight hug. "Get out there and win him back," she teased.

Lorelai managed a smile and nodded, walking out to the living room to find Rory and Lane in deep discussion, Luke sitting on the end of the couch alone.

"I don't know half these people." Luke admitted.

"Oh, well some of them work at the Dragonfly and the others, well, I have no clue." Luke chuckled.

"Sooo…"

"Yeah, about that--"

"Cake!" Sookie announced and Rory pulled her mom along, back to the kitchen where everyone attempted to crowd around and eat the magnificent Y-shaped cake with blue icing.

As the pig out session continued, Lorelai snuck out onto the back porch. She drank in the silence that the evening brought. She strolled down to the end of the drive, just to put some space between herself and the events of the day.

She inhaled the night air, the moon glittering behind the trees. She was ready to return to the party when she heard the crunch of gravel behind her. Of course, she smiled to herself.

"It's a nice night. A bit chilly," he noted Lorelai's bare shoulders. "But a Stars Hollow spring."

Lorelai took a deep breath once again. "It has that certain smell…" She trailed off, glancing at him. "You don't miss it? I thought you, of all people, would. I mean, I know you weren't crazy about all the pageantry, and I'm sure you don't miss Taylor's antics, or Kirk's constant presence but--" They both chuckled.

"I miss some things," he glanced at her and then back down. "But Bar Harbor--" Lorelai let out an audible gasp and he smiled. "Yeah, that's me now. It's a lot like Stars Hollow. A little smaller. Well, until its summer and then the town kind of swells."

"It sounds…nice."

"Are you staying?"

"Hmm?"

"Staying here even if Rory leaves?"

Lorelai ducked her head briefly. "I hadn't given it much thought. I have the inn and I don't think I could—and my house, I love our house. I think Rory would be heart broken if I had to sell it."

"Makes sense," he replied with a shrug.

"We've both grown up here. I don't know how I could just leave, it's weird to consider."

"When is she leaving?" He asks, his voice gentle. Normally, the thought of her only daughter and best friend leaving—and this time not only leaving Stars Hollow but the state—would have made her stomach hurt and her breath come in quick gasps, but now she was used to being alone.

"Whenever she decides. She's going to New York to apartment hunt and I think Logan's dad may give her a starting position if she wants it. I don't think she does." Lorelai shook her head. "She makes it hard on herself." _Just like me_, she thinks.

"She's probably missing you inside."

"Oh, you're right. We better get back."

"Actually, I think I should go."

"Oh." Lorelai crossed her arms and nods. "Of course. I mean that makes sense." She pauses briefly, studying his profile as he looks at the sky. "Hey wait, it's late. Why don't you, uh, just stay? The night, I mean. The Dragonfly has rooms. Or we can put you up here and stick you on clean up duty…"

He smiles at that. "I don't want to bother you."

"Luke, come on. I've encroached on your space plenty of times. I slept in your bed after the fire at the inn. Let me do this." She shuts up finally, nervous now that she's pushed him too far. Instead, his face softens.

"Wow, that was years ago…the fire at the Independence."

"Yeah, it was." The memory hit them both at once and Lorelai has to shake off the goosebumps and the look he was giving her. Thinking back on it now, she can't believe she was bold as to tell him about her dream with the alarm clocks. She hadn't told him then that most of her dreams seemed to come true. Sadly, that one hadn't.

Luke put his hand on the small of Lorelai's back and led her toward the house.

"Hey Luke?" She stopped at the porch steps. "What did you mean at the graduation when you told my mother you had some things to figure out?"

"Oh, uh, just, well--" Luke shifted awkwardly, looking trapped.

But Lorelai wasn't going to let them miss this opportunity. If it was something about them that he needed to figure out, she wanted to know. "What did you figure out?"

He glanced down. "I'll tell you later."

"Okay." Lorelai replied, trying not to sound too disappointed and not really believing him, but following him inside all the same.

"Rory?" Lorelai hissed into the darkened room. "Rory, I can't sleep."

_Click._ Rory was sitting up in bed, wide awake. "Good. I can't either."

"There's a man on our couch. Not just a man, Luke." Lorelai smiled, almost giddy.

"I know." Rory whispered, motioning to her mom to shut the door.

Lorelai climbed onto Rory's bed, sitting cross legged at the foot. "I'm glad he's here."

"Me too." Rory grinned. "Maybe you can--"

"He's not going to stay, Rory." The goofy smile slipped away and she glanced down at her hands in her lap.

"He could. People change," Rory said eagerly, her eyes wide. "It took him eight years to kiss you, it may take a few more to realize that he's in love with you."

As much as she wanted to believe her daughter's words, Lorelai knew she couldn't. That it would just hurt that much more if she did. "That's just it. We both knew. We knew that when he left. It didn't make him stay, why would it bring him back?" Lorelai's eyebrows rose. "Unless there's something you're not telling me."

"What are you implying?"

"That you two have had this planned out for months. You did email." Lorelai examines her daughter's face carefully. Rory dropped back on her pillow and rolled her eyes.

"You make email sound like something dirty." Rory sighed. "And I would have told you, you know that."

Lorelai nodded, not really surprised. "The weird thing is he can still read me. He just knows me so well. It's…"

"Nice." Rory finished.

"Yeah," she whispered. "I've…I've been making myself sick over him. But I don't know what to do now….now that he's here."

"Just talk to him, mom."

Lorelai asked her daughter to talk about something else for awhile, so maybe she could calm her mind and stop it from wandering back out to the living room where Luke was sleeping on her couch. She listened to her daughter talk excitedly about possible jobs and moving to New York. She was worried that her friendship with Marty was changing and there was a twinkle in her eye that Lorelai hadn't seen in a long time. For a minute, Lorelai was reminded of how she used to be able to bounce back so quickly from disappointment, from loneliness and heartbreak, and she wished she had retained that quality in her late 30s, but it, like everything else she supposed, changed with time. She kissed her daughter on the cheek and tucked her in like she used to do when she was five and Rory would fall asleep on her shoulder as Lorelai read her stories.

She returned to bed, quietly creeping up the stairs, trying not to glance down at Luke. She was afraid he would be awake, watching her, and she half held her breath, waiting for him to call out to her in the darkness. She let out a heavy sigh when she reached her room and empty bed.

Lorelai didn't think it was possible to miss the tiniest things about someone, but she had with Luke. The way the whole house smelled of grass and sweat after he mowed the lawn, the way he started calling Rory "half pint" as a joke and it stuck, and when they were alone in the diner, the way he would hum and sometimes even sing along to the radio.

She missed the feeling of having a man in the house. There was no one to notice the squeaky stairs or that the back door lock was cheap and needed to be fixed. There was no one to make her coffee or run an errand because she had a meeting with the inn's accountant.

Lorelai had spent the majority of her life being independent, strong-willed, some might say hard-headed, hardly letting anyone in her life help her, but she discovered slowly that there was no harm in asking for help, especially when people like Luke did it so willingly. Now all she wanted was someone there to support her, tell her that she was going to be okay with her daughter so far away, that she would be fine. And he could do that. He could make her life less empty.

Lorelai and Rory offered to take Luke around town, to the school play, to Hartford to see a new home improvement store and even to New York to see Jess. He had been overwhelmed by stories and pictures of the last two years before he announced he had to go.

"Thanks for coming." Lorelai thanked him, smiling over at Rory, who stood watching her mother shift awkwardly in the entryway.

"I wouldn't have missed it." He replied sincerely as he motioned to Rory to follow him out on the porch. He handed her an envelope.

"Luke, I can't take this." Rory insisted, overwhelmed by his generosity.

"Please. Use it. You need it more than I do. New York is expensive."

Rory enveloped him in a hug. "Thank you. And thank you for coming. You have no idea how much it meant to me…to us."

"I have a little idea. Be safe in New York, half pint," he whispered. "Now send your mom out here."

She beamed. "Okay. And thank you again." Rory stuck her head in the kitchen. "Luke has requested your presence out front."

"Oh okay." Lorelai replied, thrown off guard. She stood, smoothing her hair in an almost involuntary motion. She hadn't expected much of a goodbye, so this surprised her. "Hey," she said, stepping out on the porch and closing the door so she wouldn't have to see Rory at the edge of the entryway. "You really have to go back." It wasn't a statement or a question, it was just something to say.

Luke stood with his hands in his pockets. "I don't know what I want, Lorelai."

She froze. Of all the things he could have said, this wasn't one she had expected. But then, she told herself, maybe she should stop expecting certain things from him because she was continually being proved wrong—first Maine, Rory's graduation and now this.

"I never intended to leave." He spoke up again and Lorelai still didn't know what to do, what to think. He hadn't wanted to leave?

She found her voice and was surprised at how bitter she sounded. "Then why the hell did you? It was two years, Luke."

"I know. But I—I was just going to see Liz, I wouldn't just leave you like that.

I--" He bit his lip and turned away from her for a second, trying to gather his strength, his thoughts. "I know I hurt you, Lorelai. I hurt _us_. And I'm so sorry." Lorelai nodded, knew what he was trying to say. She had wanted to call him, to apologize for whatever it was she had done, but it seemed the longer she waited the more it wouldn't make any difference, that it was too late. And now Luke was saying the same thing. He had never meant to stay in Maine, but then it seemed too late, that he couldn't just go back. That they couldn't just go back. But how she wished they had tried. They stood there for a little while, neither of them saying anything.

"Just promise me something, Luke." She touched his wrist slightly and was glad when he didn't withdraw from her touch.

"What's that?"

"Keep in touch this time," she told him, her tone serious, but her eyes twinkling. "Okay?"

A slow smile spread across his face. "I can do that. Yeah."

She dropped her voice. "I'm glad you came."

"Yeah?" His eyes sparkled at her and she wanted to fall into his embrace, into those comforting arms of his.

"Yeah," she nodded, her lips still curved up into a smile.

"Good," he whispered, drawing her close. She sighed into the fabric of his shirt.

"Be careful on the way back, okay?"

"I'll call you when I get there."

"Thanks. Bye, Luke."

"Bye." He walked over to his truck, stealing looks at her as he went. She waited, standing on the porch until his truck slipped around the corner and out of sight. Rory crept out beside her mom, putting an arm around her.

"Come inside. We'll watch something good."

Lorelai smiled weakly. "Thanks, babe."

_tbc... _


	4. Part 4

**A/N: Sorry its been so long between updates. I'm just warning you that it might be even longer after this. I'm taking a summer school class and still picking my way through the second version of the part after this. And as always, thanks to my beta, Lula. I don't think she knows how much she inspires me.**

**Part 4 **

It was odd to think about it now, the fact that he had just left. He hadn't stopped back by Lorelai's to get his stuff, he had barely said a word to Caesar, he'd just packed his suitcase, the same stupid one from his matching set of luggage from that cruise with Nicole he had taken ages ago, and then drove away without looking back. He had every intention of heading to his own cabin for a week, but he realized he couldn't go there. He had taken Lorelai there once and it would inevitably remind him of her.

_"So when you say we're going to your cabin for the weekend, what does that mean?" Lorelai questioned him one night as they were getting ready for bed. _

_"I don't know how else to say it. We're going up to my cabin for a weekend away from Stars Hollow. I, by no means, expect you to fish or hike or do anything where you might get dirty."_

_"But if I do, there's running water?" She wrinkled her nose. _

_"It's a cabin, Lorelai. We're not camping in a tent."_

_"Perish the thought." She shuddered. "But I did buy some cute boots the other day. See?" Lorelai produced them from her closet. Luke had to give her credit. They were good boots: good design, good brand. He noted her fishing boots and clothes scattered in her closet as well. _

_"You still have your fishing outfit?"_

_"Of course! Never know when I might need it."_

_Luke bypassed the jokes he could make and settled for the suggestion to bring it along. _

_"Luke Danes, do you have a thing for my fishing outfit?" She beamed up at him. _

_He shrugged. "More for the person in it."_

_"That's what I meant." _

_Luke had been true to his word about the cabin. Lorelai gasped when she saw how nice it was inside and she plopped down in front of the fireplace, claiming she wasn't moving from its four walls for the entirety of the weekend. And it was almost true. There hadn't been much of a reason for them to venture outside, besides to look at the stars. Luke had brought various things to cook and Lorelai kept him occupied. _

He needed something to make the pain in his chest go away. But he wasn't sure a cure for that existed. He thought about reversing course and going to New York for a few days, but he figured that would just make him crankier than he already was. Jess would tell him to stop being an idiot and then refuse to discuss it and Luke needed more than that. He actually wanted to talk and now the person he could talk to and had always counted on to understand him was the person he had left behind. _That was the problem with getting involved with your best friend_, he thought bitterly.

Every time he imagined how crushed she would be, he wanted to pull over to the side of the road. It made him sick to think he had hurt her. He had seen Chris do the same thing over and over again and couldn't understand how Lorelai, one of the strongest people he knew, could so easily let someone like Chris back into her life. She had been upset with Chris but even now he knew Lorelai didn't hate Chris; if anything she had this strange admiration for both Chris and her father, both men who treated Lorelai less than she should be, in Luke's mind's eye. Maybe, he thought, that was the key. Maybe if he hurt her a little, she would have that admiration for him when he returned. Maybe if he failed the perfect image of him that she held, he wouldn't feel so…He shook his head. No, he knew that wasn't the problem. Luke cursed under his breath, heading farther north.

* * *

_modern day_

And now, to be clichéd, it was déjà vu all over again. He was doing it again. He shut the door to his truck, took a deep breath and tried not to glance at Lorelai in the rearview mirror. He hadn't really forgotten how beautiful she was—he could never forget that—but seeing her at graduation, at Rory's party, had reminded him of all the little things about her he loved. He couldn't even explain them, they were all so insignificant—the mix of emotions that had crossed her face when she saw him at Yale, the way her nose and forehead crinkled when she was upset or frustrated, the sound of her laugh, the way her shoulders rose and fell as she sighed. But really all the insignificant things did was distract him from the bigger, more important ones.

Luke stopped the truck outside of the diner and quickly realized how stupid that was. _Way to call attention to yourself._ He pulled inside the alley, debating whether to actually get out and go inside. The back entrance creaked open and he hesitated, sure Caesar or someone had heard and would come investigate. He climbed the stairs carefully, wary of the sound of his weight on the stairs. He paused at the door to the apartment. He shook his head, really wanting to go downstairs and call Lorelai, but he knew if he did that, he would never leave.

* * *

He had stayed too long. Liz had thought it was suspicious that he had come to see her. "I'm also usually broke or recently divorced," she reminded him. He assured her the diner was still in existence but she wouldn't let him mope in peace.

"I haven't heard you say a word about Lorelai all week. Is that why you came? Did something happen?"

He remained stoic before he sighed, picked up the remote, and turned off the TV. "Nothing really happened."

"Luke? Are you going back?" He didn't reply. "Luke," she shook her head. "What were you thinking? You were so happy!"

"This is why I didn't want to talk about it! It's not anything she did or I did, it just…it wasn't—" He sighed, shaking his head. "I can't explain it. I just need to think. I needed to leave for a little while." Luke knew how odd those words must sound coming from him. He never left Stars Hollow willingly. But now, he had chosen to. Liz knew she wasn't the best person to give advice, so she left him alone. He knew she would be there when he was ready to talk.

* * *

Marty was sprawled out across the couch in Rory's room, her legs on top of his. He put down his book with a sigh and gave her a withering look until she finally glanced up from the thick notebook and notes scattered across her lap.

"So what am I supposed to grasp from this? Because poetry makes no sense to me. I don't see how it can be forty words long and people analyze it for pages and pages."

"Not a Williams Carlos Williams fan?" She smirked at him. Her phone rang and she wiggled her way off the couch to answer it. "Hey, Mom," she smiled, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear.

"Hey, babe," her mother replied hoarsely. Rory sensed even then that something was up. "What are you doing?"

"Just studying. Why?" She glanced back at Marty, but he wasn't paying attention, he had returned to his book.

"Luke and I had a fight."

"Oh, Mom," she sighed. "I'm sorry. But I'm sure—"

"He left."

"What?" Rory stood there for a moment, her hand across her mouth in shock. What happened to the days when Luke and her mom would get in a fight and then make up over coffee and danish the next day? "You mean for a couple days?"

"I don't know. I don't think so. Caesar said he just left, he didn't—" Rory noticed the panic in her mother's voice as she trailed off.

"Did you call him? Maybe he's just out in the woods and his phone isn't working."

"It's been almost a week."

"Oh my gosh," Rory breathed. "Mom, I—I'll be right there." She didn't listen to her mother's objections, just hung up the phone, punctuating her decision. When she turned around, Marty was sitting up on the couch, wide-eyed and worried.

"Is everything okay?"

"Luke left. About a week ago, my mom said." Rory ran a hand through her hair, still in disbelief. "She didn't even…she's been alone for almost a week and she didn't tell me."

"Hey," Marty caught her arm. "I'll come with you. You shouldn't have to do this by yourself."

"Oh Marty, that's sweet but you shouldn't—you have classes. I'll be okay. You don't want to have to listen to two weepy girls anyway." _Plus, I'm used to this. I pick up the pieces. Always have._ "I just thought it would be different this time," she whispered as he gave her a tight hug. He knew Rory and knew she could handle this. It was one of the things she was good at: talking people out of their holes or down from their ledges. She was calm but straight forward and she made her point clearly, her tone soft. He'd been on the receiving end of it a lot lately.

* * *

The envelope was square and off white, small enough to get mixed up in with the usual bills or credit card applications and his fishing supply magazine. The calligraphy made him take note and open it first. It was embossed with the Yale logo and the little name card slid out: _Lorelai L. Gilmore_. He twirled it in his fingers, sighing as he studied the invitation. He crossed to the fridge and circled the date on the calendar. His phone rang then and he pushed the invitation out of his mind until he found it on the table the next morning. He stared it down as he drank some juice and ate his grapefruit, leaving for the store in a rush. He couldn't put it from his mind at work, however, and was tempted to put in a call, something he hadn't had the desire to do for quite awhile.

Did Lorelai know? Had she sent it and not Rory? He thought Rory might have apprised him of its arrival via email, but he hadn't heard from her since before her spring break. Whenever a pair of women with dark hair entered the store, however, he eyed them closely. Although, he realized, he wouldn't know what to say if one of the Gilmore girls _had _shown up. Especially Lorelai. If he saw her…he knew he wanted to see her. And that he had to go to that graduation.

Not to mention Rory. He had seen her be disappointed by her own father enough in her life, he couldn't add to that. He could imagine the look on Rory's face if he didn't show up—it was the same disappointed, misunderstood look she had worn when she had visited him. He had been there since she was little, and he couldn't miss out on this.

* * *

Luke had always liked his rhythm: get up, work in the diner, order supplies, go to bed, get up even earlier for the bread shipment. With Lorelai, however, his routine changed. He liked it.

Luke knew Lorelai could be just as serene as she was chaotic. Her actions and babblings confounded most, but over the years Luke had come to be able to read and interpret her. He could tell when something was wrong and he liked the predictability in their relationship because in turn, Lorelai could call him out on his crap as well.

He found her steady, even steadier than Rachel. Maybe that had something to do with her parental instincts towards Rory or the fact she knew she was rooted in Stars Hollow with the inn and with him. Yet all of that hadn't made him happy. The night manager at the Dragonfly had left, Lorelai taking over many of the night shifts, not seeming in any hurry to get a replacement. Even when she was free in the evenings, she started making up excuses about his early deliveries as reason to not come over. She had started to shut him out, slowly—not talking to him about Rory or her parents and she wouldn't discuss any plans for the future with him. He was sure he had added to their problems. He was so afraid of being hurt again that he was hesitant to say what he wanted or needed from Lorelai. They had always been able to reach each other so well, but suddenly it was much harder. They were both learning how romantic relationships and friendships differed.

In his way, he tried to solve this puzzle but began to realize he could never make all the pieces fit. Lorelai didn't seem interested in helping and as they let the space come between them they each became more stubborn and turned back into themselves, to their old habits. Luke had known he couldn't stay in that rut, so he left. It was the last thing on his mind and one of the few impulsive things he had done in his life.

But he liked their rut. He wanted it back.

_tbc... _


	5. Part 5

**A/N: Thanks to all my lovely betas: LulaBo, CineFille, JeSouhaite, and Carrielynn for looking this (and future parts) over for me. I couldn't do it without their advice and ability to make me laugh. **

_And it takes a lot of nerve to ask how she is doing  
Start with a weak foundation, you will end in ruins  
The ways the days and hours pass you'll never understand  
Falling like rain through your hands_

_Maybe one day soon  
It will all come out  
How you dream about each other sometimes  
With the memory of  
How you once gave up  
But you made it through the troubled times_

Fountains of Wayne, "Troubled Times"

**Part 5 **

Lorelai couldn't remember when summer had ever passed so quickly. She knew that Rory had just been placating her by staying one last summer in Stars Hollow. Her daughter had probably itched to be back with her friends, most of whom were settled in New York.

Rory's room was boxed up and ready to go with the essentials. She was going to be living on friends' couches (Paris's and then maybe Marty's) until she found a place of her own. Lorelai had watched her daughter drive away, both of their faces streaked with tears, along with promises and whispers to visit and call profusely. She didn't know what to make of her life anymore. She wasn't happy. It wasn't what she had imagined for herself at almost 40. Maybe it would have been easier, smart even, to move after he left. Stars Hollow had offered her a beginning, something to hold onto when she was 17 and looking for a place to start a new life, but over twenty years later, she was beginning to realize it might not be her ending, or even the middle she had fruitlessly searched for.

She sighed, leaning up against the door in the entryway. She picked up the phone and sank down on the couch.

"Hello?"

"She really left. She's gone off to New York," she sniffled.

"Wow," he breathed. "How are you?"

"Not so great." She confided, wishing he was close by.

"I would be there if I could." He said lowly.

"I know," she nodded. "Luke?"

"Yeah?"

"What if I--"

"Oh Lorelai, I don't know."

"Oh, okay." She replied quickly and he grimaced, knowing she was upset. He hadn't meant to be so harsh, but it wasn't as simple as she made it sound.

"I just—what about work? And Rory might need you to bring her stuff."

"Or she could find an apartment really fast."

"She could."

"And then I'll need a truck anyway to help get all her things."

"Lorelai," he warned, but he was smiling. "There's tourists and it's busy and--"

"Okay." She moved on, letting him talk for a little while. She liked their calls: they could talk about everything and nothing. Should Lorelai move to New York or was that too over the line? It wasn't. Was she going to make Rory's room into something else? No, she wasn't. She'd already ordered a couple of new pieces of furniture once Rory took hers, but it would be a place for Rory to come back to.

"I guess I have a thing for wanting to keep places the way they are. I mean, my mother did the same thing with my old room."

"I'm one to talk. Just look at the diner."

"With the hardware store sign? I think that's sweet."

Lorelai was smiling when she hung up the phone and was pleased that while they were wrapped up in conversation, she had forgotten, if only for those few moments, that Rory was no longer a member of the household. Luke had kept his promise after Rory's graduation and had kept in touch. In fact, Lorelai had noticed him calling more and more. Not that she minded. She found it refreshing to be able to talk to him after all those months and years of Luke-lessness. It had felt wrong not to have this: to not have him be a reassuring voice for all the tough times she had gone through, all the silly family things, all the times she was proud of Rory. Sookie had been there, of course, but Lorelai had always felt that there was a void where Luke should have been. And even though it had slowly been filling back up the more they talked, Lorelai felt like she couldn't quite bridge that gap with him, at least, not over the phone.

She made sure Rory hadn't left a message while she was on the phone and then walked over to Sookie's. Davy and Delia were out in the yard and Sookie was supervising on the porch with Cole. "Hey babe, how are you?"

"I'm not going to be at work tomorrow."

"Oh okay. Is something wrong?"

"Rory left for New York today."

"Oh, that's right. How are you holding up?" Sookie studied her best friend.

Lorelai gave her a weak smile. "Okay, but that's not why I'm going to miss work."

"No?"

"No. I'm going to Maine."

"Oh my gosh! To see Luke?"

"Of course to see Luke."

"Does he know?"

"Not exactly. I talked to him today--"

"You did? This is wonderful!" Her friend beamed at her, bouncing Cole on her knee.

"Just as friends, Sook, but I don't think he thought I was being serious, about visiting I mean."

"That's so exciting! That you two have been talking and just--"

"It is nice. And I love this town, but I don't feel like it's my home anymore, you know? I had the inn and Rory and then Luke, and now I just have an empty house. I'm….lonely. I keep telling myself it will pass but I can't ignore it anymore."

"I'm sorry you feel that way. But I'm proud of you. You've always been so strong, which I admire you for, but there's a difference between strong and stubborn. So be strong for him, but don't be stubborn."

"Thank you," Lorelai sniffled. "I love you."

Sookie gave her a tight squeeze. "I love you too, hon. Be careful."

Her drive to Maine reminded her how she had chased after Luke once before: when he had walked out and not come back. She hadn't been okay with just giving up on him then and she wasn't now.

_Lorelai was lying on the couch when Rory rushed in the door, calling, "I'm here!" She tried to sit up slightly as she saw her daughter coming into the living room, her hands full of grocery bags and magazines. According to the Gilmore dating guidebook this kind of situation called for some wallowing, but the last thing Lorelai wanted to do was sit around and binge on ice cream, cookie dough and cheetos. It made her stomach ache to think about it. Instead, she made Rory talk: about school, about Paris, Marty, her friends, the newspaper, anything to take her mind off what had happened the week before. _

_She caught Rory studying her as she tried to fall asleep. "What?"_

"_Do you miss him?" Her daughter asked quietly, the intensity on her face reminding Lorelai of herself. _

"_Every day, every minute since he left." Lorelai managed to say, her voice a whisper._

"_Then go find him, mom. He loves you."_

_Something in her daughter's words had sparked her to get up, actually pull together a semblance of an outfit and leave the house. As she drove along, foot heavy on the gas, windows open so the wind tousled her hair and the radio blasting, she felt a strange sensation come over her. It was oddly freeing being able to get out of the house and out of Stars Hollow. She knew that she couldn't spend the rest of her life on the couch or in bed but whenever she thought of returning to work her stomach clenched up and she convinced herself she wasn't ready. She needed time to mourn, as Sookie had told her, assuring her friend she and Michel could manage without her. She wasn't sure taking a road trip could be categorized as mourning but the circumstances of it might be._

_This wasn't a spur of the moment, no map, no clear destination trip. She was going to the cabin Luke had taken her to once. His cabin. It was the only place she could imagine him going and such a simple solution seemed to merit a simple action--except this was anything but simple for either of them. This was a turning point in their relationship, and if Lorelai didn't try to mend it, it might be irreplaceable--and she knew she couldn't live with herself if he was at the cabin and she had done nothing but wallow. _

_That drive had sparked her memories of the last time they had been there, which had started a whole new wave of memories she had been trying to keep at bay for the past couple weeks. _

She remembered almost exactly how they had met. She'd always sort of played dumb with Luke about it, but she remembered—the begging for coffee, the horoscope, his reaction to her. She wasn't sure if she had noticed it then or later, but even though he had seemed gruff and unforgiving there was something sad in his face, something, maybe, that made her believe she could trust him. She knew that look because she felt like it was one she wore often, but was covered by her incessant talking. With Luke it was his sarcasm. She had recognized a tiny bit of herself in him and as time proved, she hadn't been wrong. As Lorelai passed the sign welcoming her to Massachusetts, she realized she wasn't sure when that had changed.

He looked mad. She had driven six hours and asked directions when she got to town and now he didn't look happy to see her. She slanted her hand against the bright rays cast across the lawn as she squinted at him coming up the walk. He walked right past her up the steps. "Aren't you going to say something?" He froze and turned to look down at her, curled on his top porch step like a cat on a windowsill in the sun.

"Lorelai?" He blinked.

"Yeah, it's me." She replied softly, understanding. In those two years she had seen Luke plenty of times: in the doorway of the inn, on a bench near the gazebo, on her couch when she got home late, but when she turned around or looked a little closer, he was always gone—It was just a cruel game.

"I didn't—I'm glad you're here," he breathed, stepping towards her. Lorelai swallowed the lump in her throat and slid her arm around his waist. She couldn't help it. She needed him right now, and there, on the porch, a little overheated by the sun, it was intoxicating. Lorelai felt his hands firm on her back, reassuring her silently. She sniffled, tucking her face into his shoulder. _I'm so sorry_, her mind screamed.

"I missed you." She admitted. At least there was that. Not "I miss Rory" or the always idiotic "me too" that didn't really mean anything.

The house was small and decorated sparsely, and Lorelai was surprised to recognize a few key items from his apartment in Stars Hollow. Luke must have been back there just long enough to empty out his apartment—well, she didn't know if it was entirely empty—but he had been there, most likely one of the days she had been trying keep her thoughts of him at bay, working long hours. They wandered back to the kitchen, which was rather large for a house of this size. Lorelai marveled at how she hadn't been inside five minutes but she knew Luke fit there.

"Do you want something? Water? Coffee? Tea? Beer?" he asked, almost nervously hanging onto the fridge door.

"Actually a beer would be great."

He handed her a bottle and she took a sip. She leaned back against the counter with a sigh, Luke watching her. "I was—I'm so surprised you're here."

"It's a cute town," she replied, evading the subject. She had driven six hours to find out and she couldn't even face it. _So typical, Lorelai,_ she thought. He didn't respond and the silence broke her. "I didn't think it was fair for Rory to do all the moving and leaving."

He shrugged. "I guess that makes sense," he said, and Lorelai caught a hint of disappointment in his reply.

"Although you've done your share of that as well." Lorelai closed her mouth as soon as she said it and drained her beer. _Shit._

Luke's eyes widened but he chose just to nod instead of picking their usual fight.

"I'm sorry," she whispered as Luke spoke up at the same moment.

"Why did you come?" He asked a little gruffly, the softer tone she had heard him use of late was gone.

"I told you, I missed you…there's so many things, Luke. And I don't want to--" _Reconnect_, she thought, turning over the word in her mind. Maybe it was too intimate. "Talk about it over the phone." She swallowed.

"Okay."

"Okay? Are you…you know what? Never mind." She reminded herself to take things slow. "I want to see this town of yours."

_tbc... _


	6. Part 6

**Part 6**

Lorelai was enjoying Luke's simple commentary about Bar Harbor, pointing out local eateries she would enjoy or points of interest where funny things had happened while he lived there. It was a lot like Stars Hollow except for the smell of the salt water in the air and the cool breeze off the ocean. The trees and mountains surrounding it made an awesome backdrop. "It's gorgeous here." Lorelai breathed in. "I can see why you love it. Really."

"This is the most important place," he pointed. "It's where I work." Lorelai lifted her eyebrows and followed him inside. The store smelled musty and a little like the nylon or whatever material they used in…backpacks, Lorelai thought as she found herself staring at a wall of them. She turned, seeing the store stretching farther and farther back, racks of all kinds of outdoor equipment, most of which she had no desire to be so close to.

"Luke!" One of the guys at the counter located in the middle of the store waved him over. Lorelai followed closely behind Luke and tried not to laugh when she saw these men clad in Luke's usual flannel uniform. No wonder he fit in so well here.

"Hey guys. This is Paul, Adrian and Jay." The guys all smiled and nodded at her. "This is Lorelai."

Paul's eyes widened in recognition of the name but he kept his mouth shut. Jay encouraged them to stay as long as they wanted before the trio turned back to whatever they were so fascinated by: it looked just like a compass and map to Lorelai.

"Wow, I'm impressed." Lorelai almost whispered to Luke. She wasn't sure why she had lowered her voice except that all the guys in the store seemed to treat it with reverence.

"It's nice. Some of the tourists who come in can be a little annoying, but at least its something I know a lot about."

"Well, I'm just glad you're happy." Lorelai replied and found herself almost meaning it. "But I'm starving."

Luke chuckled, not surprised. "We can go back to the house. Or we can just go somewhere around here."

"Maybe we could get sandwiches and take them back to the house? I kind of wanted to talk over dinner." Plus, Lorelai didn't feel right letting Luke cook for her when she was the one who had just showed up on his porch.

"Okay." Luke nodded and showed her out of the store. Lorelai wasn't sure she liked how calm he was being about this. In fact, he'd been in a good mood all afternoon. What had happened to Monosyllabic Man that she had fallen in love with?

After lunch, Lorelai couldn't take it anymore. She felt like she had walked into the Maine version of Stepford, and before she got sucked in she was going to bring up the reason she came. "What the hell are we doing? We don't talk for two years and then you show up at my daughter's graduation and now I don't know…are we friends?"

"I was surprised when you didn't punch me at Rory's graduation, actually," Luke half-smiled.

"Yes, well, I actually didn't think of it." She shook her head, surprised Luke could throw her off her train of thought so quickly. But if anyone had ever been able to shut her up, it had been him. "You didn't answer my question: are we friends?"

"I hope we are. Do you?" Luke asked, his eyes unsure.

She smiled at that. "Yes." They were still skirting around the issue and Lorelai

didn't expect him to start the conversation, so she took a deep breath.

"We never talked about why…"

"I know." He replied stoically from his spot by the sink, his arms crossed over his chest.

Lorelai continued. "I thought maybe I wasn't there. I wasn't putting my whole—everything into it. But then you…"

"Don't you get it?" Luke cut in, his tone bitter.

"What?" Obviously, she didn't.

"That I might be scared," he said, softer. This surprised her, but she tried not to let it show. She had always been the one to run away and when she needed a shoulder to cry on, because one of her relationships had fallen apart, it was Luke who was there. So it seemed odd to consider him in her position. It hurt her a little to realize he may have been insecure and worrying all those months and never confided in her. It hurt her more to realize she had never noticed.

"Of what?"

"Of not living up to what you imagined. I'm not romantic and I don't own a horse--"

Lorelai had to interrupt. "A horse?" She almost laughed.

"I'm not a knight, Lorelai."

"And thank God for that." She glanced down, her fingers involuntarily playing with her necklace. "I'm not perfect either. You know that. So it hurt me, a lot, when you left." That felt so good to say. She couldn't lose her nerve now. "And then when you told me last week you didn't even know why….well, I think you do." Lorelai exhaled, feeling like a huge weight had been lifted off her chest, but at the same time, she felt like all her feelings were exposed.

Luke shook his head, letting his arms fall to his sides. "It's…a lot of things."

"Tell me. We're supposed to talk. I know we've never been good at it, but please, try," she pleaded, her throat suddenly dry.

Luke passed a hand over his face. "We were so happy, Lorelai. And for some reason, I couldn't _be_ happy. I think because it made me think of my parents. They were so in love and committed to each other. And then my mom got sick."

"Luke," Lorelai breathed, already blinking back tears.

"And my dad just took care of her. I remember her always being in this particular chair in the living room so she could watch us play. I don't think I knew how bad she was, until I realized my dad was carrying her down to the chair every morning and back up every night. And afterwards, God, my dad was a mess. He told me once that he thought his only reason to be on this earth was to meet my mom, to make her life a little better and a little easier at the end." Luke swallowed thickly, the tears threatening to spill down his cheeks. Lorelai sniffled from her chair, but she couldn't take her eyes away from Luke.

She had never seen him like this, so raw, so exposed. She approached him almost nervously, not sure if he would push her away or welcome her embrace. She slid her hand into his, then placed a tentative hand on his back, pulling him close. He let her touch him, comfort him.

"So that's why I'm scared," he continued in her ear. He pulled back to look at her, his eyes sad but fierce with adoration. "I love you more than anything, but that could tear us apart in an instant. One day we're laughing over pie and the next you're telling me something's wrong and its all hospitals and tubes and serious looking doctors who won't tell you what's going on."

Lorelai was caught between exhilaration and sorrow. It made her heart hurt to hear Luke tell her about his parents. At the word love, however, her heart leaped into her throat and the weight in her seemed to lighten. She wasn't perfect and neither was he, that was why they matched each other so perfectly. Neither of them seemed to have any false assumptions about what would happen if they were together, if they stayed together the rest of their lives. A sense of hope floated over her and seemed to wrap around her body: she could convince him to do this with her.

"I can't begin to imagine what that's like," Lorelai paused, twisting her lip between her teeth. "It must be so hard and I just can't—I don't know what that feels like, so I'm not going to compare it to anything." Luke shuffled closer to her in response, pressing her back against the counter as she tried to balance the weight of his body on hers. She pulled back so she could see his face. "But isn't it worth it? To take that chance and spend the rest of your life with someone who you love? I think you were happy, Luke and I'm not sure you'll ever be happy this way." Her hand gestured around the room. "Doesn't all that outweigh the fear?" _Yes_, she was thinking, _it does_. "I know what it feels like to be scared. It may not be exactly what you're feeling, but I think I'm right about this." Her voice faltered. "I want to be right," she whispered into his ear. His hand threads through her hair, pulling her close for a kiss and as his cheek touches hers, she can feel the tracks from his tears.

"I left because I knew I had to figure things out," Luke choked out, still in their embrace. Lorelai shifted slightly, so she could see his face. "And all I wanted to do was come back, but that was…"

"Too hard." Lorelai finished. She knew. She understood.

"I spent all that time away from you," he brushed his fingers ever so gently across the line of her jaw and Lorelai's eyes fluttered closed for a second. She held her breath. "And here I am, still a mess. I don't know--" His chin quivered. "I'm not sure how to fix it."

"You shouldn't have to figure it out by yourself." Lorelai pleaded, wanting him to see it her way. "That's why I'm here." Luke drew her close again. She realized how much she had missed the feel of his hands on her hips.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. "I'm so sorry."

"Shh, it's okay," she soothed. Lorelai placed her hand directly over his heart, feeling it pulse through his shirt.

He plays on a softball team and when she pried this information out of him, she insisted on going to his game. Liz is there, sitting alongside the fence in a lawn chair. Lorelai approached and at the sound of feet on the dirt and rocks, Liz looked up.

"Lorelai!" She smiled up at her.

"Hey Liz."

"What are you doing here? I mean, I'm glad. But are you and my brother…"

"I'm just visiting. He came to Rory's graduation and we've talked some since then."

"Good! That's good, right?" Liz looked unsure. "He never tells me anything," she shrugged.

"It's nice to see him," Lorelai affirmed. She crouched next to Liz's chair.

"Hey, hold on. I think we have another one in the truck. Let me ask. Hey, T.J.! Do we have another chair? Be right back. You can sit down."

Lorelai sat and Luke jogged over. "You bored yet?"

"The game hasn't even started. Are you pitching?" She squinted up at him.

"Maybe."

"Good. Liz and I will yell."

"You can't, it might throw my perfect game."

"Oh, really? You think pretty well of yourself, don't you? You better go warm up in the corral or whatever it's called."

Luke chuckled. "The bullpen." Lorelai looked confused. "But yeah, I should."

"Good luck!" She called after him as he jogged away.

During the fourth inning, Lorelai's phone rang. "Be right back," she said to Liz, who was too busy concentrating on the game to notice.

"Hey sweetie," Lorelai answered.

"Hey." Rory paused. "Where are you? You sound like you're at a sporting event."

"I am!" Lorelai stifled a laugh.

"Are you feeling okay?" Her daughter asked worriedly.

"I'm fine. In fact, I'm great."

"Well good but where--"

Lorelai couldn't keep it bottled up any longer. "I'm in Maine."

"_Maine_? But why—oh!"

"I came to see Luke."

"OhmyGod!" Rory shouted. Lorelai could hear Marty in the background. "My mom went to see Luke," she heard Rory repeat in a hushed tone. "Well are you…."

"We're taking things slow. We haven't talked about it much."

"Slow is good."

"It's just so nice to see him. I missed him."

"I know."

"How's the job hunt going? How's Marty?"

"Mom, you don't have to ask about me. This is more exciting!"

Lorelai laughed. "But there's not much else to tell. I'm with Liz at his softball game."

"That sounds fun. Just promise me the second anything happens you'll call."

_So much already has, babe,_ Lorelai thought. "Okay. Will do."

"Miss you. Good luck."

"Bye, kid."


	7. Part 7

**Part 7: Rainy Days and Mondays**

The sun was setting, shafts of light falling through the doorway and windows of Luke's small cottage, even as clouds were rolling in from the east. Lorelai sat just inside the doorway, letting the breeze blow through the screen, cooling her skin, as the smell of the coming rain floated through the house. Specks of water flicked and flitted across the window, lightening flashed, making Lorelai blink as thunder rumbled in the distance. A minute later, the rain fell in sheets and Lorelai could barely make out the driveway from where she stood. She pushed the chair away from the door, closing it so the rain wouldn't blow into the house. Hearing heavy footfalls on the porch, she opened the door again to find Luke dripping wet, but grinning.

"Need a towel?"

"Might help." He stood dripping in the entryway, afraid to move or he'd soak the whole hall with one small movement. Lorelai dashed back in with a towel. She laughed. "What?"

"One little towel won't help much. You better go back to the laundry room and

take off--" She paused as Luke smirked at her. "I'll just, bring you something to change into." Lorelai finished, flustered.

"Thanks." He slipped off his boots and left a trail of water droplets as he crept back to the laundry room. He stripped off his shirt and jeans so Lorelai found him in just his socks and boxers, but wrapped in the towel.

"Here you go." She set the clothes on top of the dryer, trying not to look directly at Luke. He captured her wrist and pulled her closer. Lorelai's forearm was moist from his touch but she was too caught up in the heat from his body so close to hers to care. She breathed him in and closed her eyes, his arm slipping down to her waist. All she could focus on was his breathing, warm on her cheeks and neck. She anticipated the soft brush of his lips on hers but it seemed to be taking forever. As she debated opening her eyes, she felt him brush across her lips ever so slightly. She was sure she made a soft moaning sound and pressed her body to his. Not capable of waiting any longer, she pressed her lips to his hesitantly. He didn't pull away and the kiss grew longer, deeper, until he parted her lips with his tongue. "God Luke," she breathed. "I missed that."

Luke didn't respond, just kissed her again and Lorelai stepped backwards, her back up against the washer. In one swift movement, Luke placed her on top of it, not breaking their kiss. His towel had fallen to the floor and she ran her fingers over his chest. He moved his kisses down to her neck and Lorelai made a sound as she wrapped her legs around him. When his kisses reached her collarbone, he seemed to realize she had too many clothes on and tugged at the hem of her shirt, which she let him slip over her head. "You're…beautiful," he murmured, a reverent look in his eyes and it took all Lorelai had not to break down. Instead she concentrated on the heat from his skin, his touch, the intense way he was looking at her and his lips on hers. He traced her curves slowly with his hand, the tips of his fingers rough on her skin and then he was following this path with a trail of kisses as Lorelai ran her hands through his hair, kissing the top of his head.

They left the clothes forgotten on the laundry room floor as Luke scooped her off the washer and carried her to the couch. Luke hovered above her for a minute and Lorelai planted kisses on his chest. His hair was starting to curl, still damp from the rain and Lorelai smiled as she fingered it. Then Luke was kissing her so hard that she knew she'd have beard burn in the morning, but as she kissed him back, her half memories of the way he used to kiss and worship her returned at full strength.

As he ran his hands along the hem of Lorelai's jeans and he reached for the button, somewhere in the back of her mind she knew that this would just make everything harder, but she didn't stop him. She might have tried to speak his name but it turned into an inaudible sound. She stopped thinking after that.

He lifted her ever so slightly, his fingers pulling on the straps of her bra as her breath caught in her throat. Her legs wrapped around his as she shifted slightly again as he divided his time between her mouth and chest, teasing her breasts with his lips and tongue. The slight scruff of his chin hitting her skin as he kissed her stomach made her jump slightly at the unexpected contact, her back arching up to meet him.

She reached down to undo the zipper on her jeans but Luke kissed her neck, making her hands fly up around his shoulders, her nails running over his back. Luke managed to get her pants out of the way, but Lorelai was barely aware how because his fingers were slipping in her panties and she let out a low moan. His face was buried in her neck and hers was buried in his and she was glad because otherwise he would surely see how much she needed this, how much she missed him.

A moment later he pushed into her, cradling her against him and they moved forward and back together, falling into the familiar rhythm. She marveled at this easy give and take they had, the only place they seemed to get it right. They hadn't done this in a long time but she remembered now that he was so damn good at it and as he pushed her to the edge, how she was caught up in it, the heat, the shifting and rolling and thrusting of their hips together as she called out his name. Then he was whispering hers in her ear, in that deep voice of his, and he held her as they finished together. He rested his head on her chest and all she could hear was the pounding of her heart, his heavy breathing matching hers.

They don't move from the couch for hours. Its cramped but after spending years apart, Lorelai didn't mind Luke's breath on her neck as he dozed off or that her foot kept falling asleep. She snuggled down deeper into the couch, turning her head slightly to study him.

She sighed, feeling the familiar tug in her chest. She wanted to wake him gently and tell him she doesn't know how she's been away from him so long, but that she was so, so stupid, and she would give anything to spend the rest of her life with him.

It was comfortable, but it was different now.

Lorelai had spent the day reading and relaxing while Luke was at work. She felt like a bum since she hadn't exerted herself more than a walk for about a week. Not that she had ever been the exercise type but all the things going on at the inn usually exhausted her so much—physically and mentally—that she wasn't used to this…stillness.

Plans changed quickly though. Luke acted almost spur of the moment now. The night before he'd ordered her to put on some shoes so she could come out and look at the stars. And tonight he came home with the biggest I'm-up-to-something grin she'd ever seen him wear. "What's going on?"

"Did you bring a dress?" Lorelai nodded. "Wear it."

She raised her eyebrows. "Where are we--"

"Trust me. You've got two hours." So she did. She tried not to let her mouth gape open when she emerged from the bathroom to see Luke in a suit, sans tie.

"Wow. Fancy. I like it." She fingered the collar of his shirt as he drew her close. Her red dress set off her dark hair, the slit up the side accenting her long legs.

"I figure I have some making up to do," he said softly.

"I'm not objecting." They both stood there for a second, smiling at each other. Lorelai remembered this feeling: she and Luke had only acted this idiotic when they'd first started dating. "Are you going to tell me where we're going?"

Luke grinned, throwing her a small wink as they walked outside. "It's a surprise." They drove out towards the ocean and Lorelai assumed they were going to one of the many seafood restaurants. Instead, Luke pulled up behind a building that looked like a mansion. The grounds extended out into the dark, and Lorelai could make out adjacent buildings spreading out from the main one.

"Is this a country club?" Fear struck her heart for a second, afraid all the things her parents had said had gotten to Luke.

"No," he shook his head. "It's Bar Harbor Inn."

"Thank God. My whole teenage life was flashing before my eyes."

Luke chuckled. "No, you're safe. This place has an amazing view and a great restaurant, which I thought you'd appreciate."

Lorelai was overwhelmed by a feeling of warmth as they got out of the car and walked around the wide expanse of the main building, Luke's hand resting on her back. She heard music and laughing as they rounded the corner and her breath caught in her throat. The tables were arranged around the porch, a dance floor at one end. A white tent--like the one they used at the Dragonfly for weddings--was set up in the yard, which led down to the dock and the ocean.

"This is an inn?" She breathed to Luke. "It's beautiful." She glanced through the French doors and saw more tables inside, the lights dimmed and candles flickering. Lorelai continued to drink in the atmosphere as they waited a few minutes for a table.

As they sat down, Lorelai couldn't help but think about their first date a little. Luke caught her daydreaming. "Lorelai? Is wine okay?"

"Uh, yeah. Sorry." She was glad the room was so dim so Luke couldn't see her cheeks redden.

"Red or white?"

"Whichever. You pick. You're the chef." This, of course, reminded her of when she found out Luke could cook. Not just burgers and fries but real cuisine. Stuff Sookie raved over and half of which Lorelai couldn't pronounce. She watched him and it was almost as if she was seeing the scene in third person: he was talking to the waiter about wine as she looked on almost lovingly. _Stop that_, she told herself and snapped back to reality, her concentration going back to the menu.

"You know what that reminds me of?" Luke's voice was in her ear and she looks up, startled.

"What?"

"There's no story on the back of the menu." He flips it over. She smiles, their eyes connecting and its clear in that instant that maybe she's not crazy. He remembers all those things too. They mean something.

"I was just thinking about that." Lorelai admitted. "How are Buddy and Maize?"

"They're the same as ever."

"Do they even know you moved?"

Luke nodded. "Liz spilled the beans last Thanksgiving. They weren't too thrilled."

"I can understand why." Lorelai replied without thinking too much about it. Luke didn't acknowledge the comment and just then their waiter returned.

Luke handed her a glass and they toasted each other. "Lorelai, I've been wanting to tell you…" She held her breath, the wine stinging as it made its way down the back of her throat. "…how happy I am you came to see me. It means a lot."

_And I love you,_ Lorelai added, not really surprised that the conversation was taking a different turn than she expected. "I'm glad. It means a lot to me too."

They started talking about Rory, Luke's job, anything to ignore the feelings they both know exist, that were so rampant and obvious last night as they made love on the couch. Lorelai wondered if its better this way: to know what they had and to feel that void now, or if it was better before, when they were just "friends" for those eight years and it was all about the not knowing.

As Lorelai was finishing her dinner, she glanced outside and notices a few couples swaying in time to the music on the dance floor just outside the French doors of the dining area.

"Wow, this is eerily familiar. _Dirty Dancing_, maybe."

"What?" Luke asked, baffled as usual.

"People are actually dancing. That only happens in places like this in movies."

"Well, in that case…" Luke stood up.

"I thought you said you didn't dance." Lorelai couldn't help saying, a smile growing slowly across her face.

"Nobody puts baby in a corner." Luke replied, winking. Lorelai laughed, long and hard, something that was unusual for her these days and caught her a little off guard, but it felt so wonderful. Luke seemed almost pleased with himself, whether it was the movie reference or the dinner and dancing, Lorelai wasn't sure. And as a new song started and Luke held her hand a little tighter, pulling her body closer to his, she didn't much care.


	8. Part 8

**A/N: Thanks as always to my two betas, CineFille and LulaBo, who are talented and lovely girls.  
**

**Part 8**

Lorelai walked along the streets to the main thoroughfare and the shop where Luke was working. The clapboard houses were painted different colors and wooden painted signs hung out front. Lorelai pushed the hair away from her neck, letting the breeze cool her down. She knew she had probably overstayed her welcome and was surprised that Sookie hadn't been calling her in a panic, wondering if she was ever coming back. As Lorelai rounded the corner to the store front, she heard laughing. She glanced down at the bag of sandwiches in her hand and then back up at the scene in front of her. Sitting awfully closely to Luke, who was perched on the steps of the store, with a paper cup in his hand, paper from a sandwich beside him, was a girl she didn't recognize. The girl's shoulder length light brown hair was swept up in a knot, making Lorelai finger her own, messy from the breeze. The girl's hand was on Luke's shoulder as she sat on the step behind him, her back resting on the banister railings as they laughed. She looked like Rachel. At first, Lorelai had thought it was Rachel, but no, this girl's hair was darker and her features were different. But she had the same kind of aura. A natural glow and she wore casual clothes, like she could jump up and go camping or fishing at any moment.

Luke was smiling, like he had smiled that day after the rainstorm, when he kissed her. When they had—Lorelai didn't think she had made a sound, standing there, shocked into silence as she took in the scene, but she realized she must have because Luke looked up, his face falling as he wiped his hands on his jeans and stood up. He said something, but Lorelai didn't hear. She had let the bag fall to the ground, the contents spilling, as she turned on her heel and fled back towards the other shops and restaurants. She ducked in a bookstore and waited until she saw Luke walk past, then hurried out. She considered all her options, trying to figure out where she could go. She couldn't go to his house; he would look there first. She walked instead to the opposite direction, toward the water.

So that's why Luke had been so content to stay here. Her.

She wandered around the docks, shielding her eyes from the sun as she watched one of the lobster boats come in and saw families picnicking or coming in from a trip around the harbor. Lorelai couldn't focus on anything too long. Her mind kept going back to what she had seen. She wasn't sure what else to do or where to go but home, but all her things were still at Luke's. She wound her way back to her car and sped back through town.

Liz was out on her porch, which doubled as a workshop, when Lorelai pulled up. "Hey!" she called, opening the screen door for her. "Can I get you anything? Water? Coffee?"

Lorelai shrugged. "I don't want to interrupt you."

"Oh no, you're not. I was just putting the new things on chains. See?"

Lorelai fingered the necklace. "That's gorgeous. What is that? Pewter?" Her hand went back up to the chain around her own neck; the one Luke had given her so long ago.

"Yeah. So? Coffee?"

"Always." Lorelai dropped in a chair as Liz went in to get the drinks.

"You look beat. Is something wrong?"

"Who's that girl that works in the store? With Luke?"

Liz paused, handing Lorelai her cup. "Uh, Jennifer? No, Sara. I don't know her very well. Why?"

"I just uh…I saw them together today and--"

"You're in love with my brother, aren't you?"

"Liz…"

Liz made a face. "Sorry. You saw them together and what?"

"It bothered me. They were being overly friendly. I sound silly, I know."

"No, no, you don't."

"Be honest," Lorelai said slowly. "Has he…you know, been seeing anyone?"

"Are you kidding me?" Liz chuckled but caught Lorelai's look. "Sorry. But no. He's moped around for months. Seriously, this is the happiest I've seen him. I never did understand why he left anyway."

"Neither did I," Lorelai snorted. "But I'm scared."

"Don't be. Go talk to him. Things will be fine."

_But how do you know?_ Lorelai wanted to whine.

"Don't hate me if I screw things up."

"You won't."

"How do you know?"

"I just know my brother, now go."

Lorelai regarded Liz for a moment, finishing her coffee. "I do love him. I've loved him for a long time, I think."

If Liz was caught off guard by her honesty, she didn't show it. She just patted Lorelai's leg and assured her. "You'll be fine."

Lorelai took her time, meandering through the town in the Jeep before she passed the Bar Harbor Inn and slammed on her brakes. She walked out to one of the wide verandahs, down from the inn's dining area, and watched the couples, her gaze traveling out over the water. Her thoughts came together and broke apart, occasionally punctured by the breeze rustling through the trees or a woman's laughter. She let herself think about Luke and that girl for only a second at a time and then she made herself focus on the water, because it hurt too much to think about anything else.

The sky had begun to fade from pink to a dark purple before she saw Luke walking across the lawn towards her. She sat frozen in the chair, wanting to turn away from him, at least shy away from his touch, but she knew she couldn't.

They couldn't stay there, she knew. So he followed her back to his house. Lorelai felt wary of his gaze, even from inside her Jeep. She glanced in the rearview mirror while sitting at one of the few stoplights in town, but the cab of his truck was dark, she couldn't see his face. They stood at the door in silence as Luke unlocked it and let Lorelai inside in front of him.

Lorelai had so many things she wanted to say, but she wasn't sure how to put them into words. She almost felt as if the whole thing--Luke sending her letters and showing up at Rory's graduation--was a set-up. But as furious and as hurt as she was, she didn't think Luke would do that.

She thought about how she had been so careless as to be hopeful. That, in itself, was almost worse than finding him with a girl. She didn't know where to start so she was quiet until he spoke.

"Please, say something, Lorelai."

"I'm not sure you want me to say anything right now," she told him stiffly, turning away from him as she let the tears sting the corner of her eyes.

Luke sighed. "It's not what you think."

At this careless, patented excuse, Lorelai's temper flared even more. She whirled around to face him. "No, it's never what I think, is it?" She could feel the tears race down her cheeks and could hear the sob in her voice, but she didn't care. She needed him to see this, to see how exposed she was. "Was any of this what I thought? Does it even mean anything to you, Luke? Because right now, I have my doubts."

"She's just a friend," Luke replied dismissively. "And don't tell me you haven't dated since I left. I know how you are, Lorelai." The words seemed to fly across the room and fling themselves onto Lorelai's face. He hated himself for saying it, because he knew it wasn't true. He hated her for always being able to get under his skin, even when she wasn't in his face yelling at him.

Lorelai waited for a second for his apology, but his accusatory tone rang in her ears and she couldn't wait for him to revoke the statement. "How am I then? Huh? Because I haven't dated, much less _looked_ at anyone else." She paused to breathe, her throat as tight as the fists clenched at her sides. "Don't you get it? I miss you."

Luke, who had been stunned back into silence after her outburst, finally said, "I already told you…"

"How hard it is? Yes, it is hard. I don't know what else I can tell you." Lorelai surprised herself by stepping towards him, cupping his cheek in her hand for a second before letting it fall back to her side, stepping away from him, from the temptation of comfort and safety that he used to provide. "What can I say to change your mind? Because there is no point in me staying here, getting my hopes up if you're just going to shatter them." Lorelai swallowed thickly. "It was hard for me to come here. But I was glad that I did. I thought things might change, you might see that things are different. But today, I saw her and I felt like I had been replaced. It was…" Luke had stood stiffly since she had stepped away from him and only now did Lorelai notice him move out of the corner of her eye.

"Then you don't know me as well as you think if you thought someone could replace you." His gruff, low tones reach her ear and she closed her eyes briefly, remembering the reverent tones he had used with her just a day before as they lay on the couch together, when they went dancing. She felt the heat from his body as he walked up behind her, could feel the hesitation as he debated whether or not to touch her. "No one can, Lorelai. But I just don't think…"

She turned, practically in his arms, the light from the moon catching the side of her face, letting Luke see the streaks of mascara around her eyes. "Don't," she practically whispered, not wanting it to be true, just wanting to hold onto her fantasy a little bit longer. "Say you love me. Say it. Because I know that's true. I don't know what you came here to figure out, but it's…." His gaze had dropped from hers as she begged him to love her. She ground her nails into the palms of her hands and stepped back. "It's been too long. I'm done." She was done missing him so hard it hurt, done waiting for him to come back and be with her, done waiting for him to tell her that they would be alright. Her voice faltered on the last statement, but it was clear that Luke heard her. As she stepped towards the hallway, leading to the tiny guest room, she heard him call out.

"Lorelai, please…don't go."

"No, Luke," she simply shook her head. "I spent all this time looking and waiting, we both waited to find each other. And after all that…" She trailed off. They both knew what happened after that. How they had slowly fallen apart. How they found themselves here now, hundreds of miles away from Stars Hollow, trying to mend what they had both wanted so badly once. "I tried to fix it…" Swallowing, she stepped towards her bedroom, gathered her things, most of which were already neatly folded in her bag, and crept out the back door, letting the creak of the screen door be the last thing Luke heard of her.

Luke came home every day for the next week expecting to see the Jeep in the driveway and Lorelai on his porch again. He knew he was crazy to think it. Lorelai had let him crush her so many times before, that if he was in her position, he probably would have left for good a long time ago as well. Even if they had decided to pursue things again, there was nothing to say one of them wouldn't freak out and start the cycle all over again. At the same time, he had never found it so hard to have someone come in and out of his life the way Lorelai did. He wanted her to stay.

A part of him wondered when he had become so bitter. He needed to suck it up and tell her that she was worth it. Even if they managed to blow it or his biggest fear came true and one of them got taken away from the other by illness, the moments he had with her were worth it. He thought about the way she tucked so perfectly into his arms on the dance floor, how he caught her staring at him when she thought he wasn't looking, her smile when he woke up next to her. Now all he could see was Lorelai hurt and utterly broken. He used to be the one to pick up the pieces and he needed to get back there somehow.

Maine and Bar Harbor were quickly becoming claustrophobic. Everywhere he turned he seemed to be reminded of her. It was the reason he had left Stars Hollow and ironically, made him want to go back.

_tbc... _


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Thanks so much to my betas, CineFille and LulaBo. They put up with a lot of drafts of this chapter (and whining about it) as well as with me during this whole process. I've learned a lot. **

**And thanks to the readers for all their lovely reviews and enthusiasm. You guys make my day. **

**Also, there is a very Friends like situation in this chapter. Young people who don't have jobs, yet living in a nice apartment. Use your imaginations, people. : ) **

**Part 9**

_These boots are broken in from always leaving you  
This road takes lots of turns, each one leads me back to you  
But  
If you're here when I get back will you open up the door  
If you're here when I get back will you pull me to the floor  
And will ya kiss me like before  
I couldn't ask for more, I couldn't ask for more_

-John Eddie, "If You're Here When I Get Back"

October in Maine was usually spent outdoors, enjoying the crisp air before winter arrived, but the Luke's last few weeks there were spent packing up the pieces of his life and--something rather out of character for him--talking to people about his decision.

He told Liz first, because she had been badgering him about when Lorelai was coming back. "Hopefully next summer when I come visit you."

"What?" Liz was baffled by this, her eyes growing large. "Where are you going?" She paused and studied him intensely for a second. "You're moving back?" He nodded. "Finally!"

"Nice to know I'm so beloved."

"No, no, that's not what I meant." She gave Luke a tight hug. "I'm so glad. I bet Lorelai's excited."

"She doesn't know," he smiled, trying to mask his nervousness. What if he went back and she ignored him? What if he had been replaced like she thought he had replaced her?

"How romantic!" Liz bounced, calling in to T.J. "Luke's moving back to Connecticut to be with Lorelai."

"About time," was TJ's reply.

Luke toed the floor of Liz's workshop. "Any advice?"

"Don't be stubborn, bro. I know it's what you do best, but…she loves you, you'll see."

"Thanks."

"We better be invited to the wedding!" Luke nodded absent-mindedly as he strode to his truck. _One thing at a time_, he thought.

There was somewhere he had to stop before going back to Stars Hollow, though. He knew he had hurt her almost as much as Lorelai and he needed her forgiveness to go on, to make this real.

* * *

That was how Luke found himself trying to navigate the streets of TriBeCa. Weaving his way through delivery trucks where fresh produce, fish, or meat was being transferred from the large warehouses, he managed to find the right building. After riding up the rickety elevator, he located apartment 3B and knocked.

"Is Rory Gilmore here?" he asked the curly-headed boy who opened the door.

"Uh no, she's at a job interview."

"I'm Luke. Her mom's friend?" Friend felt too informal, but he didn't know what else to say.

"Oh yeah, I've heard about you. I'm Marty."

"Oh okay. The boyfriend, right?"

Marty blushed as he led Luke into the loft. Luke's jaw practically dropped as he saw how large the apartment was. The wooden floors shone and the exposed pillars and brick added an unfinished touch to the decoration. He noticed a spiral staircase that presumably led upstairs to the bedrooms. "I don't know if she would say that--"

"Oh well, I didn't mean to put you on the spot," Luke chuckled. "This place is really nice," he added, changing the subject.

Marty shrugged, looking sheepish. "Thanks. It was my brother's, but he moved to Boston, so he said I could use it for however long. He bought the building and sold out the other floors."

"Wow." Luke was impressed.

"Well, Rory should be back soon. I actually have to run…"

"Go, go, I'll be fine."

"Alright. Well, help yourself to whatever we have in the fridge, which probably isn't much." Marty shrugged, throwing a bag across his shoulder. He gave Luke a nod as he shut the large loft door.

Luke flipped through the newspaper and a couple of the less girly magazines before he heard keys jingling in the entryway. Rory opened the door a second later, her eyes widening at the guest on her couch. The contents of the bag in her hand started to slip out of her grasp. Luke leapt up to help her with her load as she found her voice. "Luke! Marty called and said someone was here, but wouldn't say who. I—how are you?" She tucked a stray piece of hair behind her ear as she placed the bags on the kitchen counter.

As she looked up at him with those blue eyes, her brow slightly creased, Luke was hit with the realization of how much she looked like her mother. "Better." Luke handed Rory her other bag. "I'm dealing….how I was before, that's done now." He ducked his head, clearing his throat.

"Do you want something to drink? I just went shopping."

"Water is fine. Thanks."

"So what's up?" Rory asked as she handed him a bottle from the refrigerator.

"I screwed up, Rory. I thought maybe your mom and I—well, I didn't think, that was part of the problem." Rory frowned, struggling to keep up. Luke took a breath. "I'm going back."

"To Stars Hollow?" She practically gasped.

"Yeah, I am. And I just wanted to know if…"

"If?" She urged him on.

"If I got back together with your mom--" Luke couldn't finish his question because Rory had thrown her arms around him in a big bear hug. "Would that be okay?"

"Okay? That would be great! Wonderful! Smashing! Sorry, I don't get to use words like that very often." Luke chuckled. "So how was mom's visit? She never told me much about it and I've been so busy I haven't had time to needle her about it yet."

"It went…okay." Luke couldn't think fast enough on his feet and Rory noticed.

"Oh no, what happened?"

"I just—I'll let you hear it from her. Let's just say I wasn't the easiest person to get along with while she was there."

"Aw, Luke. But everything's going to be okay?"

"I hope so. If your mom can find it in her to listen to me one more time."

"She'll come around." He must have looked unsure, because Rory gave his arm a small squeeze. "She will. She loves you."

He nodded. He knew. After everything he knew that. "Thanks, half-pint."

"Welcome back."

"Well, I should get going if I want to get…"

"Home by dark, yeah." Rory grinned at him for a moment before he pulled her into a hug.

"So does your mom know you're living with a boy?" He teased as Rory showed him out. She blushed and nodded. "He seems like a nice guy."

"He is."

Luke gave her shoulder a squeeze before stepping out. "Thanks, kid. See you."

"Good luck." Luke walked the many blocks back to his car, still in awe of how grown-up Rory had become in the few months since he'd seen her at graduation. His thoughts turned to Lorelai, however, as he started up his truck and headed out of the city.

* * *

Lorelai hadn't heard from Luke since she left and she was beginning to think their relationship since Rory's graduation and her visit to Maine was just a fluke, a good patch over the summer and fall, before winter set in.

At the same time, her patience had worn off, and after her outburst in Luke's kitchen, she hadn't really expected him to call. The problem was that he wasn't someone she could simply shut out of her mind. If she were capable of that, she would have done it two years ago when he left.

She'd had trouble sleeping again and it reminded her of the weeks of insomnia she'd experienced after Luke had left for Maine. Recently, during one of her sleepless nights, she'd thrown back the covers, mad at herself for expending so much of her time and energy still thinking about him. Ripping apart the closet downstairs, she found what she had been searching for: the Luke box. Lorelai drew out his shirt, surprised when tears sprang to her eyes. She wrapped the shirt around her and realized, a lump rising in her throat that it didn't smell like him anymore.

But there, at the bottom of the box, were the small stack of envelopes which contained the little correspondence they kept those two years. Reaching for them, she intended to tear them up and throw them in the fireplace, where she could watch them shrivel to black ash and fly up and out of her house. And hopefully out of her mind.

Lorelai marched into the living room and then cursed loudly when she remembered the fireplace wasn't working. Even the damn fireplace reminded her of Luke. She felt tears sting her eyes and dropping the letters on the table, stomped back up to bed.

As the months passed, Lorelai found the cold an excuse to stay home. She used to love going out in the snow, tracking through town just to get marshmallows and crappy movies. But since she'd been alone--finally, unequivocally reduced to spinster status--she didn't find it quite as fun. So instead of going to the store for real food, she made do with what she had at home. She ate a TV dinner, which was too cheesy even for her, and threw it out half-eaten. Ice cream followed that, a few chips, a piece of bread, then she made herself a pot of coffee and started up _When Harry Met Sally_, which was probably the worst movie to watch when thinking about an absent best friend. She'd always had this strange affinity with Meg Ryan, even though she'd clearly had too much botox as of late, and would never make another decent movie unless she went back to romantic comedies. But whenever people picked on her, saying she shouldn't have left that good looking husband of hers for Russell Crowe, Lorelai was quick to chime in that her good-looking husband also happened to have a drug problem, so Meg Ryan wasn't totally to blame. Although cheating on Dennis Quaid with Russell Crowe didn't seem to make much sense to Lorelai. Maybe it was the brooding.

"_What's the statute of limitations on apologies?" "Ten years." "Ooh, I can just get it in under the wire." _

Lorelai sighed into her coffee cup. Sometimes apologies weren't enough. She scooted back to the kitchen in her fuzzy animal socks. Rory had given them to Lorelai for her birthday, along with the shirt she was currently wearing, which had a kitten on it and read, "More pie?" _Yes, please_, Lorelai thought. Luke's has good pie, even though Luke doesn't make it anymore. She decided to go out and was grabbing her scarf and mittens and pulling on her boots when there was a knock on the door.

Frowning, she opened the door and then froze, not because of the frigid air drifting inside, but because of the figure on her porch.

"Luke?" She asked, when she found her voice. He looked the way she felt. The scruff had grown rather thick and his clothes looked slightly baggy, like he had forgotten to eat once she left. There were bags under his eyes and Lorelai noticed how those eyes were begging her to forgive him, to embrace him, to say everything was okay.

"Can I come in?" he asked, ducking his head slightly so he wouldn't have to look her in the eye. Lorelai nodded, letting him through to the living room. He had let her stay with him in Maine, so she couldn't find it in herself to deny him the same. It was strange, but she suddenly felt numb about everything. Maybe it was because he had hurt her before, but now she could feel herself closing up emotionally around him. She wouldn't even let herself focus on the fluttering of her heart, the small sense of hope she still possessed, as she followed him into the other room and sank down next to him on the couch. She turned the television off quickly, hoping he wouldn't recognize what she was watching.

"_I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible."_

"Luke, why--" He held up a hand. He couldn't let her talk first because it would be something silly and pointless that would leave him wondering how he was supposed to turn the subject back to what an asshole he'd been.

"What happened when you were in Bar Harbor, you have to know that girl wasn't--"

"I know, Luke. That's not why I left."

"Didn't you ever think--" He swallowed, cleared his throat. "That it was too easy?"

"What? Us?"

He nodded. "It was just…comfortable. And I think it was still hard for me—that you really wanted this, _us_ instead of someone else."

He still couldn't explain things entirely. He wasn't sure he could put into words how much Rachel and Nicole had hurt him, had made it so incredibly impossible to _be_ with Lorelai, even though he wanted that most in the world. It mattered so much that he was here in her house, practically begging her to take him back.

Lorelai looked fragile suddenly, like if he was too harsh, she would just crumble. It hurt him to look at her. "I don't know what I can say to change your mind."

"You did. Already." The way Lorelai's voice had fallen, so broken, in his kitchen in Maine had haunted him for weeks. "And I should have--" he shook his head, biting his tongue to blink back the tears. "There are so many things I should have done." He paused, shook his head again, and turned to finally look at her. He was surprised at how closely they sat on her couch. They had fallen into their natural state of being: Lorelai, even when they were friends, was always grabbing onto his wrist and he had often found himself touching her on the shoulder or the arm when she came into the diner. "How many times is it going to take for us to get it right? We ignored it for…" His voice broke on this last statement, and he didn't finish, letting her speak.

"A long time," she whispered, nodding.

"Now we're doing it again. What if this is as good as it gets? What if we're….missing it?"

Lorelai had to laugh. "That's what I've been trying to tell you. You're just so stubborn."

"I am stubborn. I know. And I'm stupid and I've been so blind to what I really want, Lorelai, and I just didn't know if you would even listen to me, give me another chance--" He stopped, realizing that he sounded a little like her, rambling, because he wanted her back so, so badly.

She exhaled, her body shaky. "If we do this, I need to know--" Her mind was spinning and she felt torn between wanting to lash out at him and wanting to forget it all and start over. The way her heart had leapt when she saw at her door was the same way she had felt when she saw him at Rory's graduation, when she heard his voice on the phone, whenever he touched her. It was warm and it was comfortable and it was right in front of her. But it was scary to make that leap again. She needed to know. "I need to know that you won't leave again." He opened his mouth to respond, but she cut him off. "I know, I know that you're sorry. But as hard as it is for you, it's hard for me too." Her voice broke slightly and she cleared her throat. "In Maine, everything was so intense and to just lose that all over again, God, it was like having my arm chopped off or being without--"

"Coffee," he finished.

"Yeah," she said softly.

"God, Lorelai, I--" He put a hand to his forehead, amazed and disgusted at himself. He had broken her. And now he had to put her back together even if it took him the rest of his life. She wasn't looking at him, but rather down at her lap, and when he reached over and lifted her chin, he saw the tears in her eyes. "I need this too. And I am sorry about all my shit and I just…._need_ this to work." He begged, squeezing her hand.

Lorelai didn't look away, she held his gaze, moved her hand slightly so he noticed how it was resting on his arm. "Luke, I love you, but I can't…" Her voice choked out. "You live in Maine."

"Not anymore." Her head shot up at that and she studied him for a moment. She felt her chest rise and fall like she was breathing, but the tightness in ribcage and throat made her think otherwise. Had she really heard him right? He nodded, his fingers fluttering across her leg slightly. That was all she needed. Lorelai's hand was resting on his and she slowly slid it up his arm, wadding up the flannel of his shirt in her fist as she pulled him towards her. Her lips found his, his fingers tangled in her curls, neither of them wanting to break apart. When Lorelai broke away slightly, she refused to open up her eyes, afraid it would all be a terrific dream. She would open her eyes and Luke would still be in Maine, the TV would still be on, and she would be on the couch alone. "I'm moving back. I want to do this right. I want to be with you, Lorelai." She heard his low voice near her ear and held back the sob in her throat. He lowered his voice even further, his tone almost reverent. "I love you."

After all those months apart, hoping he would show up at her door and say those exact words, Lorelai still didn't know how to react. She felt her face blossom into a smile and she pressed her lips along his jawline. Luke's throat made a low sound and it took her a moment to realize he was chuckling. "I love you too." She buried her face in his neck, taking in his smell, the way his scruff scratched along her cheek. Being in Luke's arms had a way of making her feel safe and more loved than she thought possible. He was perfect. And he was there.

_ fin_


End file.
